Raccoon Today (Underbelly)

September 11, 1998 UMA in the Arklay Mountains? An enormous insect measuring an estimated 6 feet and sporting a formidable set of pincers has been spotted in the West Arklay region.

Campers recently reported the sudden appearance of 2 or 3 of the beasts near their tent, crawling low to the ground. Their hunting dog was attacked and spent 2 weeks under a veterinarian's care.

Graham Barrows (52), an entomologist and assistant professor at Raccoon University, insists that no such insect could possibly exist. He refers to the rash of sightings as "Nothing more than mass hysteria."